A New Year -- (Another chance to deal with issues)

Hi all --

Here we are in a new year. I think that if things are really heavy and you try to pick them up over and over and over, then you will get stronger. And, if paths are really long and involed, and you treck them over an over and over and over, then you build your endurance. And, I've learned that there are better ways to deal with frustration. And, I'm dealing with intense frustration right now.

Now, I'm going to just "lay it all on the line" and get it out there. Sure, I have no idea "who" reads this, but hearing it isn't as important as "saying" it. Expression. Get it out. There is more room out that there is in.

For over three weeks, I've dealt with frustration about my room while at Pate Rehabilitation. After 10 days (two weeks) of trying to get the temperature to a lower level, I blew up angrily. I was in the wrong. Sure, I had talked to workers, but I had not talked to the management. So, you could say I had done enough, but I had not. I needed to talk to the management so that the whole staff could be updated.

Now, this morning at 5:15 am a worker came into my room to post a list of goals. It woke me up, and I could not go back to sleep. She forgot that I was in the room because she thought I was out on pass. Now, what is even more difficult to get is that she saw me last night sign the patient attendance form and we had a brief interaction. But, she actually forgot about that this morning. So, she mistakenly came into the room and woke me up.

And, then, if you were to grade me me and how I handled the situation, I FAILED. I came unglued. I responded "Why don't you know? You saw me sign the form last night, and now THIS? What?"

She made a mistake, and I forgive her. It was a forgivable mistake, for sure.

I WAS IN THE WRONG. I was in the wrong with how I handled the situation. I yelled at her, walked down the hall and yelled at the other staff, and made a very obnoxious comment about medication (sleeping pills).

Before she (and the other night staff) left, I calmed down, and went to her (and others) and apoligized. And, I should have apologized because I was in the wrong.

And, I have not slept since then, but I have been to church (to the Cowboy Church) with my Uncle. And, this morning, I had a talk with my lady about this. The point I want to make is that I was very wrong in my overreaction. If I was in a store or in a restaurant and there was confusion about what I should pay, what am I going to do? Blow up? Well, I don't want to, and I think that what I have learned from this situation (a few times now, I know) will help to make sure of that.

So, "keep on keeping on" is what I want to tell myself. "Try again, Curtis." "Try again, Curtis." "Try again, Curtis."

There you go, you got it.